


Love That's So Demanding

by Patd06



Category: Bleach
Genre: Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, POV Second Person, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-09
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 23:26:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1037643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patd06/pseuds/Patd06
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah, you argue.  You yell and scream, and of course it hurts when he hits you.  But that’s okay.  Because you’ll always forgive him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love That's So Demanding

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very personal and one of the hardest things I've ever written. There is nothing fluffy, or warm, or humorous about it.

 

**Is it hard understanding**

**I'm incomplete**

**A life that's so demanding**

**I get so weak**

**A love that's so demanding**

**I can't speak...**

Intensity.  That’s all you see in those blue eyes.  They swirl with hatred, contempt, anger, passion, intensity.  It burns.  You hate to see him like this.  You hate to see him hating himself.  You know that that’s the only reason he treats you this way.  You know he loves you.  But he doesn’t love himself.  He doesn’t see himself the way that you do.  How can you make him see that you need each other? You need him.  You need him to be the person you fell in love with.  Why did he change?  You can’t answer that, but it doesn’t matter.  You could never leave him.  Sure you yell and scream, and of course it hurts when he hits you, but that’s okay.  Because you’ll always forgive him.

“You make me do this to you,” he always says when you cry because he hit you.  “It’s your fault for provoking me.” You never hit him back, though you know you can.  You just don’t want to.

But even after he hits you, he always asks for forgiveness.

“I love you,” he says.  “I’m sorry.”

And you always forgive him.  Always.  All it takes is a soft whisper of those three small words, and he’s forgiven.  “If you stay, you’ll be forgiven.”

 

* * *

 

You slide into the booth across from Rukia after one of your fights with him.  You tug at your sleeve to be sure the bruise from his hand is covered.  She wouldn’t be happy with him if she saw it.

“Ichigo, are you okay?” she asks.  You nod.  She gives you an incredulous look but doesn’t push it.  You sit in silence until a waitress comes to take your order.  After she’s gone, Rukia looks at you critically once again.  “What’s wrong with your neck?”

Your hand immediately drifts to your neck.  You think he choked you a bit too hard.  Now you’ll have to lie for him.

“Uh, Renji put me in a headlock in one of our scraps.  Guess he got a little too rough.” After two years, it’s become rather easy to make up lies for him.  It’s getting the people you’re lying to to believe you that’s the hard part.  Rukia definitely isn’t buying it.

“Renji is in Okinawa and that bruise looks fresh.  Tell me the truth, Ichigo,” she demands.  You look away from her burning gaze.  You don’t want her to hate him, because you don’t hate him.  You know he doesn’t mean it, but you have a feeling she won’t understand.

“It’s nothing, Rukia, really.  I’m fine,” you say.  You offer her a small smile to ensure that she understands that you don’t want to talk about this anymore.  She doesn’t.

“It’s Grimmjow, isn’t it?” Your eyes widen.  How could she figure out that it was him?  You never said anything before.  “I’m not stupid, Ichigo.  You think I don’t see the way he fucking man-handles you all the damn time?  Does he hit you, Ichigo?”

You don’t respond.  You don’t want him to get angry at you.

“Ichigo, if he’s hitting you, I want you out of that apartment or I swear to God or some other deity that may or may not exist that I’ll kill that bastard myself.”  You just shake your head and stand.

“Don’t worry, Rukia.  Grimmjow and I are fine.  It’s nothing, so just don’t worry about it.” With that you leave the restaurant.  Nothing she can say will keep you from going home to him.

 

* * *

 

You lean heavily against the bathroom door as he slams into it trying to get to you.  He’s scaring you.  You don’t know what made him so angry.  Why won’t he talk to me? you wonder.

“Open the fucking door, Ichigo!” he yells.  You blink furiously as the tears blur your vision.  “I’m not gonna fucking tell you again!  Open the goddamned door!”

“Please, Grimm...just calm down,” you plead.  But he’s not listening.  Finally, you relent and the door bangs open.  You press yourself against the wall furthest away from him.  He stands there, glaring at you with those blue orbs of intensity.  Anger.  He grabs the front of your shirt, wrenching you away from the wall.  You can smell the alcohol.  He’s drinking again, even though he promised he wouldn’t.  You can’t say anything though.  You can’t speak.

“You want me to calm down?  I am fucking calm!” A broken cry emits from your throat when he slams you back into the wall.  “You think it’s fucking hilarious to have people in our business, huh?”  You shake your head.  He doesn’t believe you.  The slap he gives you forces you to speak again.

“I didn’t tell her, Grimm, I swear.  She just saw the bruise; I’m sorry,” you sob, pitifully.  He looks at you with disgust. He may have split your lip.  You taste blood.

“Fuck this,” he says, and he walks out.  You sink to the floor and cry.  What happened to your relationship?  When did it become what it is now?  And most importantly, why?

 

* * *

 

Another fight, but this time it’s because you want to go out with your friend Renji.  Of course, he’s jealous of him, even though he’s been your best friend since elementary school.  You tried to explain that to him, but he didn’t listen.  You just want to hang out with Renji, but he seems to think he’s supposed to control every aspect of your life.

“Stop it, Grimmjow, you’re hurting me!” you yell, trying to pull away from him.  He just holds on to your arms tighter.  “Grimmjow!”

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that!” He shakes you as he screams into your face.  You fall limp in his grasp.  You can’t take this anymore.  It’s too much for you to handle.

“Let.  Me.  Go.” Your voice sounds different.  It’s as if someone else has taken over for you, someone who’s much stronger than you are.   He stares at you for a minute before he releases you.  “Enough, Grimmjow.  I’ve had enough.”

You start to walk towards the door when he grabs your arm.  You catch him off guard by twisting his arm forcefully in return.  He yells his agony as you bring him to his knees with your physical strength alone.  It takes a while of listening to his screams before you snap out of your trance-like rage.  You can’t hurt him.  You fall to your knees next to him, running a hand through his hair.

“I love you, Grimmjow.  I have always loved you.  I will always love you, but I can’t take this anymore.  I’m so weak now.  Please, just let me go.” He looks at you with those intense blue eyes.

“I’m gonna get better Ichigo.  I promise,” is all he says.  You nod before standing once more.  You make it to the door before he speaks again.  “Promise you’ll wait for me?”

You feel the tears sting your eyes as you grip the door knob tightly.  You can’t make that promise.  To promise to return to a love that’s so demanding you can barely speak?  You love this man, with everything you have but...is he asking too much of you?

“I can’t promise that.”  The finality in your tone speaks much louder than your soft voice does.  “Goodbye, Grimmjow.”

Words you thought you’d never speak.

 

* * *

 

Two years have passed since that day, each day as difficult for you as its predecessor.  You find it hard letting him go.  You don’t want to let him go.  He means everything to you, but you know how angry your friends will be if you go back.  They’ve hated him ever since the day you left; they saw the fresh purple of your newer bruises and the yellowing of the older ones.  They saw your split lip, the ugly bruise from him choking you.  They saw all of that, but they didn’t see the nights he held you when the memories of your mother caused you to be overwhelmed with emotion.  They didn’t see his sweet kisses, his whispers of “I love you” as he embraced you tenderly.  They didn’t see that he made you happy more than he made you sad.

You remember his promise to you, his promise that he would get better.  You remember your declined promise.  You didn’t promise that you’d return, but you didn’t say you wouldn’t either.  You decide you owe it to yourself to see if he kept his promise, even if you didn’t come back to him.  Knowing he’d gotten better would be enough for you, even if he’d decided to move on.

You make your way back to the apartment you shared with him.  You knock on the door.  A young woman with seafoam green hair and expressive grey eyes opens it.

“Itsygo?” she asks, skeptically.  You remember her as Grimmjow’s little sister.  They were estranged because of Grimmjow’s drinking problem.  Seeing her is a good sign.

“Hey, Nel.  Is Grimmjow here?” you ask.  Her eyes fill with tears before she crushes you in a hug.

“Thank you, Itsygo.  Thank you so much,” she whispers.  You hug her in return, though you’re not sure what exactly she’s thanking you for.  Once she releases you, she grabs your hand and pulls you inside the apartment.  You sit down in the living room with her.  The place seems different now; maybe it’s because of her touch.  It feels lighter than you remember.  You like it.

Nel tells you all that’s happened in the past two years.  Grimmjow went to rehab.  He stopped drinking and reconnected with his family.  He got a job working as a computer technician for the hospital.  Nel moved in with him to try to keep him on track, but it turns out that she didn’t need to.  Grimmjow already had someone to keep him on track.

“Who’s that?” you ask.  You wonder if Grimmjow found a new lover.  You feel a bit pained at the thought, but you know you’ll still be happy for him, as long as he’s happy.

“You, Itsygo.  Grimmjow was able to do all of this because of you,” Nel responds as she beams with happiness.

“Me?” you ask.  You shake your head.  “But I didn’t do anything.  All I did was leave.”

“That’s all it took.  Losing you was the catalyst that made him realize what he was doing was wrong and that he was hurting himself and everyone else around him.  You especially.  Once he realized he never wanted to see you sad or hurt again, he decided to make himself better.  And that’s what he did.”

You feel tears welling in your eyes.  You are so happy that Grimmjow kept his promise.  You don’t even need to see him.  Knowing that is enough for you.  You get up to leave, but Nel pulls you back down.

“You have to stay, Itsygo.  Grimmjow is going to be immensely happy to see you.” You shake your head as Nel practically skips out of the living room and down the hallway.  You contemplate just leaving anyway, but something tells you to wait.  So you wait, and a few minutes later, Nel returns nearly dragging a groggy half-asleep Grimmjow behind her.

Your eyes widen.  It’s been two long years since you saw him.  How will he feel about you?  How will you feel about him?  What can you even say to him, after everything you’ve been through?  You can’t answer any of your own questions.  You don’t know what to think.  You can’t escape now.  You know you have to face him.

“What did I say about waking me up after a twelve hour shift Nel?” he mumbles as he rubs one of his eyes.  He does a double take once he realizes that he is in fact awake and that you are sitting directly in front of him.  You stand and he stares at you with wide, disbelieving eyes before he says your name.  “Ichigo...”

You don’t say anything.  You feel every emotion rushing back, hatred, contempt, anger, passion, intensity.  Love.  You can’t speak.

“Ichigo...” He says your name once more as he walks toward you tentatively, as if he’s afraid you’ll vanish into thin air before he can reach you.  You don’t move as the distance between the two of you shortens.  You just watch him in return.  Once he’s within arms length, he reaches out and touches your cheek lovingly.  You close your eyes and touch his hand with your own.  Soon, he pulls you into a tight hug and you hug him tightly as well.  “I’m sorry.  I love you.  I love you.  I love you...”

You still haven’t spoken to him.  You just listen to him as he tells you he loves you.  You feel happiness.  You feel sadness.  You feel anger, passion, intensity, and you feel love.  Your hold on him tightens as tears pour from your eyes.  You still love him.  You always will.

“I love you too, Grimmjow.”

You don’t know which path you’ll choose.  You don’t know if you’ll come back to him, or if you’ll ever be able to let him go, but for now, you feel complete.  You’re not afraid to keep living anymore, even if it means you’ll have to walk alone.  You feel content, and that’s enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I know this is a really tough subject, trust me...if you're reading this and you're in the kind of relationship that this story is about, please know that you aren't alone...
> 
> Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)
> 
> I hope everyone finds this enjoyable, even though it's sad...thanks so much for reading...
> 
> Patd06


End file.
